It has been one hell, of a term. I am totally burnt out. Bringing a pro-scale practical film production unit into an already packed Specialisms Unit term, plus the excess marking (232 pieces of work!), plus devising and integrating my new Directing Actors sessions wikth well-being sections never tried formally before here at LCC, plus meetings galore for the new now approved 'reapproval' degree that kicks off in September, plus the sudden emergency redevising, replanning, restaging and me now teaching the TV Studio part of the unit, brought about by a covid positive closure of the LCC TV Studio, with all staff and students affected on ten days isolation! Is it any wonder that a) I've been unable to fulfil any PGcert demands or, b) more to the point, that as soon as my much needed leave has been ruined by inevitable illness caused by pure physical and mental burn out? The doctor has advised I be signed off, but as I'm on leave, there's no need! Deep joy. When will this aspect of teaching in this commodified industry of modern HE be truly and properly addressed? We're so coralled by diversity policy, decolonisation policy, this policy, that policy ... when will our well-being be truly addressed and policy-fied?! Lip service does not make for policy. I find myself angry. Bitter. Exhausted. Highly valued, yes ... I have great line management, but overall? When is too much too much? Then, at he end of my tether as I waste precious leave being ill ... yet again, I am "saved" (spiritually) by one of my fabulous students. My dedication to this job is for them. I do it for them. I am driven to create enhanced student experiences ... experience they can build on, cherish, take out into the world. And given the communiques I get from them ... both in person and on the ubiquitous emails, I am doing at least something right. A something that doesn't put seemingly pointless (to me) letters after your name. A something that is born of the unspoken contract I make with my students - all my students. A something that truly means everything about what this job is and what it should be. I got the following from a Royal Television Society award winning filmmaker student, a young lady of Tamil (I think) descent. This is my teaching qualification. Her words actually made me cry. This is my validation - my reward, my reason... my drive for walking this path that chose me :-
Hey Ian,
I don’t think I got a moment to do this beforehand, so I wanted to do it now before you take some well-deserved time off.
You’re awesome, and I really mean this. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as comfortable around a teacher as I have around you. The other day someone asked me who I would recommend talking to about BAFT and I said your name without a moment's thought because no one could represent what I believe our course is and should be better than you.
The way you teach is incredible, for someone with very little attention span, I am always completely drawn in throughout your lessons and I can’t explain how grateful I am for that. Online school has been hell for me, but your lessons gave me hope.
I always take your feedback head on; you put it so simply and never beat around the bush, which I appreciate a lot. I’ve learnt a lot through your honesty.
I’ve never really felt a “got to make a teacher proud” feeling before, but I felt that with you. And I do hope you’re proud. You made me want to do more, to keep up with work even when everything in me told me to let it go, because I knew you really did care, and nothing could compare to that.
This year has been one of a lot of self-discoveries- I’ve grown so much as a person that I barely recognise myself- and I’m so glad that you were our year leader. In all honesty, I’m not sure how I’m going to manage next year after a year with someone as amazing as you.
All of this was to say thank you, I really couldn’t have asked for a better teacher, year leader, mentor, therapist, and every other occupation you seem to have taken on in the past year. What you do really does change lives and I really want you to know how appreciated you are.
Thank you for everything, including the million other things I haven't mentioned, and the Friday emails you dread :)
Best, Ishavishali ........................................... Ishavishali Chandrakumar Year 2 - BA Film & Television
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